Opening the Ribcage

When I recently came across the quote below, by Thich Nhat Hanh, posted by the Thich Nhat Hanh Quote Collective on Facebook, my heart was greatly moved. Twice in the last couple of years I have come to see very clearly my own shut door, by having it opened slightly to the greater world, for a little while. Without this experience it is really hard to understand or see what I will try to point at in this post, but perhaps by reading the beautiful lines below we can begin to imagine an opening of the soul.

“Since I learned how to love you,
the door of my soul has been left wide open
to the winds of the four directions.”

~ Thich Nhat Hanh

When we think of ourselves as separate individuals moving through a world apart from us, there arises a great need for physical and mental protection. The fear generated by such a perspective results inevitably in the construction of a mental armor – a closed gate. I believe most of us never reflect upon this part of our psyche, and we are therefore largely unaware of it. I, at least, was almost fully unaware of mine before I was fortunate enough to have it opened for a while, which gave some perspective.

As we grow up we become reserved (mildly put), and suspicious of everything we encounter. We keep things at a distance, and only rarely do we somewhat dare open the gates to our hearts and souls. Thus, as we meet new people, and even nature itself, we do so in a halfheartedly and protective fashion, inviting them barely to the edge of our inner gates. This mainly happens on an unconscious and automatic level, but if we pay close attention to how we approach the world, we may come to notice this to some extent.

My first experience of having this armor opened, was at a Sesshin (Zazen meditation retreat), while doing outdoor walking meditation, and just like expressed in the Thich Nhat Hanh quote, I felt as if the wind was suddenly allowed inside of me, and the whole scenery could then enter through a great gate consisting of my chest. The sense of separation between subject (myself) and object (the world) was thereby substantially lessened.

Since these experiences I have tried to remember the feeling of those moments when I meet people, whether friends or new acquaintances, and to be aware of how I approach them. Doing my best with being as fearless as possible, I welcome them with my chest and body straight towards them and as mentally naked as I can manage.

A great part of the spiritual path is walked by learning how to receive. It is about welcoming the places, events, and people we come across and to acknowledge was is. While we might be busy with making an impression, acting, judging, and labeling what we see, the secret is to receive what comes before us, without disturbing its revelation, with the noise of our own self-portrayal. Even when we act, it is vital that we listen in this way, so that we can become aware of what we're really doing. Life is free though, and that is true even of the most profound dimensions of it. Therefore, if we can learn to keep the bowls of our selves empty and welcoming, Heaven will provide the wisdom, joy, and compass for further travels. If we can muster the courage, to slightly open our ribcages, and let the sharpness of life touch our sensitive hearts just a little bit, then we will also open ourselves to the winds of the Lord, and from their whispers, steadfastness and an even greater courage will grow.

I really recommend everyone to study how we welcome and relate to situations and people. How do we approach them physically (posture, direction, facial expression)? What happens on the mental level? (emotions, thoughts). If possible, are there changes we can make, for a more inviting, and less protective stance? Do we welcome the world to enter at all, or do we still prefer to keep it at a distance?

That Mystery, which brought us about, supplies us with food, keeps us warm, and in a great other number of ways sustains our being, have we learned how to trust it yet? To what extent do we dare bare our hearts to its immensity?

Love, they say, is best done naked.

One Indestructible Tower

I'm playing with building blocks, together with my very young daughter. Being a person trained and active in the making of art, I soon start to envision the small “artwork” I have laid the foundation to on our living-room floor. In a miniature fashion I'm sort of thrilled and eager about seeing it finished. My daughter however has other joys entirely, and finds it very amusing to destroy my construction, when it's only half way done. With a sigh I gather the pieces anew and start over. This time, I get a little further before CRASH, she once more turns it to ruins (and laughs hysterically, clearly pleased with her power).

When it happened this scene illustrated very clearly to me, what I already knew; that our joy must be based primarily in being and doing (adding one block to another) rather than in our goals or achievements (the finished construction). Achievements are very elusive, ideas really, that keep us dreaming about and dreading the future, and regretting or lingering in the past.

When we are not content in being, our actions are strained and restless. The fruits of our actions (if we ever get there) end up unwholesome – a reflection of our inquietude. Just as a starving person will care little for the shape, form, or balance of the meal, when discontented we sow and reap disharmony.

That we need desire and discontentment to propel our cultures and societies forward is simply not true. It is impossible to stay passive on a spinning globe, where suns and seasons have us thrown around in an ever changing carousel. That Life naturally seeks to continue, is by itself enough to initiate action, and that action is so much more wisely chosen and executed, from a place of contentment, and a background awareness of eternity.

Only at that moment, when you no longer desire IT, will I dare entrust you with IT's power.

For balance we should get our priorities right and find our joys firstly in being, secondly in doing, and thirdly, in achieving. As it is now, many of us reverse this order, and only manage to live when they manage to achieve. The rest of life is reduced to a means of “getting there”, to a few highlights, in an otherwise barely bearable existence.

How then can we find contentment in being by itself, enjoy doing what needs to be done, and celebrate achievement when The Lord allows it to happen? The answer is simply to change our focus and investments. I believe we have all experienced forcing ourselves to do something seemingly “boring” or “pointless” (like moving the lawn, shoveling snow, or perhaps playing with toys with our children) only to at some point discover it to be rather pleasant. When that happens we have managed to shed our ambitions, plans, hunger, and fears, and entered for a while the simplicity of being. Materials then feel more tangible, forms more beautiful, and living things turn much more alive. There is then happiness in being by itself, and time no longer veils the wealth of living.

Treasures are found where we dig, and where we dig only. Harmony and fulfillment is discovered by digging persistently in the right place, and that place is right here, and right now. Here is the only place that will never leave us – The one tower that cannot be destroyed, neither by the whims of men, nor the play of immortals.

Can you find (be) it?

"...Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will not be exhausted, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

(Luke 12:33-12:34)

Practice Timelessly

Heaven doesn't reward what we have done in the past, nor does it reward what we intend to do tomorrow. What do I mean by this? Do all our charity work, and hours of prayer/meditation count for nothing? Yes, in short, that is what I mean.

Years of spiritual practice or conduct will of course increase our chances to endure and welcome the wind of transformation when it comes, but if we're in that mind-set of gathering grace, for our future blessing, we are severely mistaken. They do not accept hand luggage on the Flight to Heaven. To enter that plane of communion we must be stripped naked.

With thoughts like “If I only pray regularly, and meditate every day”, I must surely reach enlightenment/salvation in this life”, or “I have been far to sloppy with my abstinence or fasting lately to expect any kind of progress” we bring Time into the equation. This is bad practice. It is weakness of faith, and it is aiming falsely. The actions of the Lord require no time.

When you look to the future for freedom, or take refuge in the past, you leave the one and only place where Life IS, and where awakening is possible – Here and Now. What you did last week, or the minute before this one, is of no consequence in this context. God, I dare say, will forgive the most hideous error or crime in a second. It is not “He” but We, that hinder His Light. We must find the courage to believe this, and to forgive ourselves, and that's the one and only tricky part.

 

Spiritual discipline, and a religious way of life, are not there to merit our future salvation. We practice and live this way to improve our relation to the NOW (Life). Whatever our self-judgment, whatever our doubts, we should let go of them and re-enter Being (here) at once. Here is where the Lord awaits us, here is where He invites us, and here is where we may chose to strip naked (sacrifice our egos) before Him. Nothing we did in the past have the power to stop this from happening, but for the mental bonds of faithlessness that cause us to hide in Time.

In essence, there is no distance to The Lord. Walking there takes no time. He is not even a step away. With a single leap of faith right now, we can skip decades of arduous practice. Trust the fullness of this moment. Give yourself to this place. We have always stood, and are still standing, by the Altar of the Lord. Do we have the faith and courage to "expose our necks" and let it happen – to let that happen which The Lord brings, whatever it may be?

Okay then, so we struggle some more and we suffer some more, but we are lost when we look to the future for our salvation, and we are of little faith until we can shed our savings on the doorstep of every day and moment, because “...surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:19)

or as Paul writes: “...I tell you, now is the time of God's favor, now is the day of salvation.” (2 Corinthians 6:2)

It is better that we return to this now (the presence of the Lord), if only for a second, than make up plans for a future in perfect virtue. Fall into the deepest pit of Sin, it doesn't matter. If we re-enter this now in faith and fully undressed (of us), the Lord will welcome us with all of His Love, and embrace us as if we were (in our capacity of) His One and only Son. I will even claim that; if we come with empty hands, He is unable to deny us.

The Ways of Knowing and Unknowing

"Using the mind to look for reality is delusion. Not using the mind to look for reality is awareness.", says the legendary Bodhidharma.

Jesus puts it like this: “"I praise You, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, that You have hidden these things from the wise and intelligent and have revealed them to infants...” (Matthew 11:25)

With infants he means those who keep their minds free from conceptual thoughts and judgment – those who manage to enter every day and moment as if they had just been born. Here follows an attempt to demonstrate the weakness and limitations of conventional knowledge, and an invitation to un-know the world in our minds, which is the world of separation, and the world of yesterday.

Imagine for a while that the gray area above represents the “empty” Universe. In this example it is all that exists. Even the beholder of this unknown reality is part of the grayness. There is nothing we can say about this Universe. There is nothing to make out, no context, no nothing. We do not even understand it as gray, because this is all we “know”.

Now we add something for the sake of perspective. Looking at the Universe this way we suddenly have a world of form - a world of concepts. The gray area in the middle remains untouched and unchanged, but the surroundings are different. Looking at this we now understand the unknown grayness as bright. This is how we perceive it. The surroundings we understand as dark. Observe that these two definitions appear together. By separating one from the other, two identities emerge. Brightness and darkness can only be understood when they exist together. They are dependent on each other.

What if we had added something else? While the gray area in the middle is still unchanged, we now understand it as dark. Dark, is how we perceive it, but what is its true nature? Is it bright or dark? We can point to it and call it dark, but do we now actually know this unknown “stuff” of our Universe? Its character seems to change with the alterations of its surroundings.

What about this? Another context and a new number of descriptions are suddenly possible. Our non-changing grayness can now be understood as calm, pale, boring, sharp, uniform etc, and yet it remains completely unchanged. This is something we can experience in real life too. We walk along, feeling fine, and comfortably dressed, when we happen to enter a fancy store or restaurant. Suddenly we become very aware of our clothes, and how bland or sloppy they feel. As the context changes so does our self image.

Observe that the noisy, vivid background in this example needs the straight grey to be understood as such. If our entire Universe was noisy and vivid, we would never know it. It would simple be, as it is. (It is not the case that it would truly be noisy and vivid beyond our understanding of it. Without any other element to inter-exist with, such characteristics as noisy and vivid simply do not exist.)

Exploring the world through our senses and understanding it through our minds, we are confined to this domain of relative conclusions. We are limited to a dualistic image of the world and life in general. We do not make our verdicts about the objects we encounter based on the immidiate surroundings alone. We compare also with of our entire culture of memories, and so we can relax our experience in the fancy boutique with memories of the bums in the street and our circle of similarly dressed friends. In such a way we get a wider perspective - a bigger picture, but it is still based on the same relative understanding.

(There are also the actual illusions of vision to take into account. Do the many grey discs in the image above have the same value and color?)

So, what is the true nature of this stuff, which we cannot truly see? Is there a way to understand this unknown grayness of our symbolic Universe in a more Absolute fashion? Can we know at all without the help of dualistic comparison?

Well, there are those who say we can. By spending time with stillness and silence, one can become aquainted with it. By beholding the world without prejudice, criticism, and labelling, and accepting what IS, one can ”see” beyond the concepts of the mind. This is the way of Unknowing, which has been advocated by Mystics in the East and West for millenia. It is the way of mindfulness and meditation, and holistic communion with reality itself. It is a completely wordless way of penetrating into the core and mystery of Being itself.

Look again. What do you perceive? If you cannot go to your mind, memories or feelings to tell you what you are, then what ARE you?

I'll end this post with a suggestion, or perhaps it is only some questions: What if the essence (grayness) of God is so dynamic in its nature, that it can be perceived in a multitude of different ways? What if no actual change is required to bring variation/creation about? What if the entire Universe is only a matter of perspective?... one's set of mind.

Disarming the Gorillas of Life

All spiritual traditions advocate detachment, or non-attachment, as it is sometimes called. Spiritual teachers, contemporary, and from the past, all have different ways to explain and express this very important principle of religious practice/conduct. Zen Master Bassui says we shall walk through this world as if it was a village ridden with pestilence (touch nothing), and Jesus expresses it even more radically when he states: "If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father, mother, wife, children, brothers, and sisters, as well as his own life, he can't be my disciple. (Luke 14:26)

Like all spiritual teachings these are pointers meant for investigation and guidance. If they are understood as truth in themselves misunderstandings are inevitable. It would certainly be very stupid to love our enemies while simultaneously hating our families. What then, do they mean? And why should we detach ourselves from life and the many gifts of our Lord?

Just like the fish cannot know what water is, since it is constantly submerged in it, we cannot know what life is, until we (to some level) become free from it. When it happens, that we come to see life, not from a point of being submerged in it, but from a point of detachment, it is truly a fabulous revelation. Great unstoppable laughter is then likely to erupt, because the strangeness of life, and the incredible reality of its being, is pure awe and tremendous joy. In amazement we look around, and for the first time we become fully aware of the fact that; this really is! Just like fire is unaware of heat, we are not fully aware us, and if we cannot know our own nature, then how will we ever know the Lord, in whose mysterious image we're created? As it is, we are far too involved in the details and desires of daily life, to manage any kind of perspective.

Let's put it this way. To become free from the leashes of earthly life, we must neither desire, nor repel the phenomena and objects we here encounter. Neither negatively or positively charged energy can create the stillness and spaciousness required for perspective. Only when the energies of life are allowed to flow freely through us, without clinging to our consciousness, can we hope to elevate ourselves enough from the stickiness of the world, to experience what we are.

The more we have invested (of ourselves) in this world, the less willing we will be to let go of it. While the mind wrestles with the wraiths of impermanence, in its futile attempts to gain control (over the targets of its fear), and while we struggle to become (accepted or important in the eyes of others) we grasp continuously at the foundation of relative existence. The Absolute thus remains unknown.

I get this picture of an enormous, self-governed, artificial intelligence which reaches out (with one of its numerous antennas of sense) and connects to a tiny box within which a simple computer-game is running. Attracted to that game of climbing ladders, jumping barrels, and saving damsels in distress, the antenna inside the box forgets its greater self (the Master AI) and freedom. It now fears the digital barrels, and the screams of the damsel keeps it busy climbing ladders and collecting points. What in this situation would give it the courage and space to pause for a while, and remember its true nature?

It cannot stop the barrels from rolling, and therefore it must accept them. Not fear, not hate, not repel, but accept them. Love is even better. Save the damsel, love the damsel, but let go of possessive desire. (More about love in a later blog-post). Hiding, or bailing out from life is a repellent, negative energy decision, which gives importance and substance to the world we are trying to transcend, so that will not work.

The only solution available is detachment. If we can learn to accept, or maybe even love, whatever we encounter in this world, while to the best of our abilities, we avoid to cling, crave, desire, hate, fear, loath, judge, or in any way become seriously involved with it, then we may reach a point where we can see within ourselves the true meaning of detachment, and how it strangely enough takes us deeper into existence, and into the very soul of things..

With experience, faith gets stronger, and as the presence of the Lord becomes increasingly clear, so does our house on the rock, which no wind in the world can move. Only from there, true detachment, and fearless, unconditional love is possible.

Sex and Surrender

In instructions of spiritual nature we are commonly advised to let go, to surrender, to die away from, to empty ourselves, and so on. This seems to be the one trick before all others. Even the “Thy will be done” of our Lord's prayer, points to this letting go. I recently came to think about a situation, which could shed some light over what it is to let go. It is hopefully a situation which people can relate to, and a context in which many of us have had some kind of experience with surrendering. Let's talk about sex for a while.

From the perspective of a heterosexual male: When young (typically) and inexperienced, we tend to perform the sexual act with a lot of ideas and demands upon ourselves. We want to make an impression, and we want our partner to be a hundred percent satisfied with what we do (in bed). There is nervousness about keeping it up, doing it right, and finishing off too early. There might be concerns about length, looks, and tons of other stuff which may cause rigidity (of the undesired sort).

As important as these initiations are, they usually don't live up to our later ideas of great sex. However, with experience, and especially in lasting sexual relationships, we begin to relax about it. We learn to know that we are able. We have had some peak moments, and some rather mundane episodes as well. Having sex is no longer such a big deal, and if we don't manage to bring our partner to orgasm it is not the end or the world.

It may then happen that we manage to enter the sexual act without presumptions, or demands on ourselves or our partner. It may be that we trust our bodies to know what to do, and then we simply let go into it. At that moment we become sex – we become the love in sex. It is no longer a matter of you performing sex, but sex is performing you. This is where, in the midst of true ecstasy, you surprise yourself with having multiple ejection-free orgasms, and sounding like a werewolf. It is a ride, rather than a work towards that final reward.

Sex of course is typically rather pleasant, and it is therefore comparatively easy to let go into, but those who have this experience might benefit from it in other situations as well. There are some things that must fall into place for letting go to happen. We have to drop our demands on others, and reality itself. We have to trust the Universe and ourselves to know what to do, and we must know that if things don't go the way we like them to, it isn't the end of the world. In the sexual act we are hopefully present enough to forget our calendars and worldly concerns for a while, and that goes for other situations too. If we wish to experience surrender, we can't keep the whole world on our shoulders while hoping for it to happen.

Letting go is not an act. It is not something that you do. It is what happens when you no longer protect yourself, when you no longer try to control the world, when you no longer demand things of the world, and when you no longer fear the result of that lack of action on your part. Shortly put; it is Faith.

We may feel as we are welcoming, open, and okay with the situation, but when you happen upon a highlight in meditation, or a change of perspective during a silent retreat, it becomes more than obvious that in our normal mode of daily life, the vast majority of us is in constant protection, constant distrust, and constant manipulation of the world and others.

Without a doubt; There is a terrible and humongous need of letting go. This, we can all practice.

Blessed Are the Poor No More

Jesus says it is harder for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of Heaven, than it is for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle. So poverty should be better, if one aims for those gates of liberty. One must remember though, that in the days of Jesus, those who were poor remained poor, and they had basically no chance to escape poverty. People inherited their social status, and having a career was simply not an option for the poor back then. They had to accept their lot in life, and do the best they could of it.

Today, at least in the west, and increasingly in other parts of the world, the poor do not necessarily accept poverty. They may win a lottery, they may be selected to partake in a television show which brings them fame (and fortune), or they might through arduous work and luck, escape their unfortunate inheritance. This new situation makes for a completely different mental climate.

In the Sermon on the Mount (Mathew 5-7) Jesus makes an important distinction. He say “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.” It is not primarily physical poverty that matters, but a poverty in spirit. So, we ask ourselves, What is a poor spirit? This is how I understand it:

A wealthy man, does not only have money in the bank, or in property etc. He also carries his money mentally. He thinks of himself as rich. Wealth has become part of his identity – his sense of self. If he loses his money he feels like less of a man. He has made money important to his mental balance.

One can say that from the pure state of being, just the simple I AM, the wealthy person typically adds: I AM rich... not only in conversation, but also in self-identification. He is no longer poor in spirit. This addition to the pure awareness (consciousness) that we enter life with, can happen in many other areas as well, and it seems that that is exactly what most of us is keeping busy with – to add something to our sense of self. It might be things like: I am famous, I am powerful, I am skilled in this or that, I am well educated, I am physically strong, I am beautiful, I am just, I am spiritually advanced, or perhaps something like; 'at least I'm not like him/her'.

The spiritual path is exactly the opposite of this. While you may paint, for example, you do not mentally make yourself into an Artist. In conversation you may present yourself as an artist, so that people understand what you do, but you do not add it to your sense of self. You settle with I AM. You may be: I AM painting, or I AM framing this drawing, but you never try to become anything else but Being. You remain poor in spirit. While one paints for an exhibition and gathers a number of successful paintings in the studio, it is easy to begin this adding in the mind. One may start to envision (fantasize) about how the exhibition will bring great recognition, great sales, and perhaps even glory, but this too is adding to being. Every single painting, every single stroke, must be made from scratch, from a mental point of zero. There is no building to life, because in the end it all comes down again. Mental structures crumble just as physical ones, but unlike the physical buildings they hinder our way to The Lord.

The Lord IS. Life IS. Consciousness IS. It isn't this or that. When we try to become anything but being, we are busy carving our own domain – our own reality and tower. Regardless of our level of success, it is a bleak and tiny castle in the halls of the Universe. This occupation of enhancing the Ego is, in mythological language, our disobedience of the laws of Paradise. It is idolatry and the foundation of Sin. Because of it, we are expelled from the presence of the Lord.

The poor are blessed no more, because they are now entitled to that same dream of becoming – of rising above their fellow men, and to hide from the nakedness of being. Though material wealth doesn't equal wealth in the spirit, it is almost impossible to stay mentally untainted by it. Let us now look at ourselves and ask the question: What do I fear losing the most? Which losses would make me feel less of a man or woman? Behind what walls or subtle curtains do I hide my poverty?

“...and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.” (Matthew 10:39)